At what point did the Internet become legitamate?
Seriously, at what point did people start using the Internet as a way to prove the validity of something. The Internet, as far as I'm concerned, is best used for the following three things, in this order: Keeping touch with people that are far away, thus alleviating the need for phone calls; reading about video games/comics/movies that are coming out and keeping up with the snarky, "I could do better than this on my worst day" comments/message boards that go along with them; and to watch a 10min movie of two chicks banging each other. That's it.
Now all of the sudden(READ: as of the past five years....I'm slow), people are sourcing Wikipedia for papers, both high school and college, people are talking on television about how awesome their band is based on how many plays it gets on MySpace, and a celebrity will determine how awesome she is based on how many people look for them topless on Google.
I got something to tell you. The best part of the Internet is that any random asshole can contribute to it. Back in the day, knowledge was exclusive. Only a certain group of people could band together and decide, "Okay, this part about how to plant food is totally worth remembering. That part about the goats shitting blood, we can collectively forget that as a society. It does nothing for us."
BUT NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!
That little club of deciding shit, that little group of fuckers that get to pick and choose what we get to pass down through generations, those old white men who decide that Wu-Tang Clan is something to fuck with....no longer do they alone get to decide what we know. Now we will never forget that some dude stuck a glass vase up his ass and that shit broke. Now we'll know, FOREVER, the best way to put two hands inside someone is also referred to as "the bellows". And we'll also know that Obama was actually born in Kenya from a alien Muslim robot. So seriously, making him President is paramount to suicide, America. I hope you're happy.
However, the fact that anyone can add to the Internet is also the worst part about it. Sure, some of the porn has been weeded out, but like that above link shows, a lot moe fucked up shit has taken its place. I never saw girls eating shitting real poo into a real glass, then eating fake poo out of said real glass when I was connecting at 14.4. Sure, I saw some vadge, but it wasn't moving. And there sure as shit wasn't a serious chance for possible injury. Like internal bleeding and shit. Jesus.
But then the technology to transfer those creepy weird tapes you made while on that mescaline bender got all cheap, and a friend of yours decided that you know what? That shit was funny. And you still owed him $50. So that shit was going online. And now everyone gets to see how you bleed out of your ass.
My point is that you fucking retards should stop acting like the Internet is some vast depository of knowledge. It is, but it's the vast depository of knowledge that's hidden under tons of garbage, rotting meat, and the occasional video of a man mutilating his back door. The literal diamond in a turd.
12.30.2008
12.23.2008
Someone needs to talk to these kids
Livebait [lahyv beyt]- The act of saying racist or homophobic things that do not necessarily reflect your view or beliefs to whip the teenage fuckheads that inhabit XBox Live into such a fury that they are incapable of forming a coherent insult, falling back on a series of 'faggot', 'homo' and other homosexually related insults, and/or stuttering. See also: Flamebait
So last night, I was playing 'Grand Theft Auto IV' on Live with Sean, and I'd almost forgotten about the fact that more retarded teenagers inhabit Live than actual normal human beings. Last time I was on Live, I was told that I'd played Halo 3, "...like a nigger"; I'm sure that had it been a game of Madden, that would have been a compliment. However, as black people are much less suited for futuristic guerrilla warfare than white people, this is not a compliment, and more of a put-down. I also heard the word "homo" bandied about quite a bit, which confused me. I thought that in the future, when confronted with an external enemy that wished for our destruction, we would put aside trivial matters such as ass fucking, scissoring, and even docking. Apparently not. Apparently even in the 26th century, if you are a dude and put a penis in your mouth, you are not a valued member of society or the military.
Anyway, getting to the point of this entry, we were jamming out on Live, Sean and I, and we were just riding around in cars, shooting and running down pedestrians for our own amusement. It was Free Mode, which encourages these things. At no point did we attempt to engage anyone else, and for the most part we were on our own private chat line, talking about shit we hated and cartoons, etc. At some point, we decided to get a bunch of people in a bus with a shitload of ammo and just drive around, totally fucking shit up. It seemed like a great plan, and there were a few people that were down with it.
But then we found the kids that weren't.
I know they were kids cos one of them was still looking at a good five years before his balls dropped, and the other thought that the worst insult one could level at another was "faggot". Adults know that there are far worse things you can say, things such as "Mexican" or "Republican". But hey, they'll figure it out, they're young. Either way, I forget what started it- oh wait, no I don't. In order to get the little fuckers pissed, Sean did what I'd like to call 'Live Baiting'. One of the boys was obvious a dark skinned fellow, so Sean dropped the 'nigger' card, and boy, did it hop off from there.
Using everything that he'd learned from whatever hip-hop musician is popular right now, he proceeded to let us know that we were obviously faggots, as only gay people use racial slurs. That hurts my feelings, I use shitloads of them, and to the best of my, my wife's, my child, and my penis' knowledge, I'm not gay. My balls have not returned any phonecalls, but they've been known to drink, so I'm sure they're still asleep. I'm okay with being called a faggot; I'm used to it, I went to public school and I wasn't a popular kid. I heard it a lot. And it was my brother's favorite insult as well. Well, second if you don't count homo as the same word.
But someone needs to tell these kids what and what does not constitute being a homo. Someone should sit them down and explain that if you refer to someone as a, "sweet faggot", that's not so much an insult on your part, but sort of a compliment...if you are gay. During the hey-day of the KKK, do you think that the Klan would sit around and figure out which sweet nigger's yard they wanted to go burn a cross in? Do you think the Nazi's would have arguements over which sweet kike they wanted to gas first? I'm guessing that they didn't, they probably used another word, something like "goddamn" or "fucking". You generally don't use sweet as an adjective if you are speaking derogatorily about something. Generally. Not that I'm some sort of linguist(except the cunning kind...GET IT?!?!?!?!?!), or anything like that, but it just seems like it makes sense. When someone asks you how you're doing, you don't say, "I'd be better, if I didn't have this sweet brain cancer". That's generally how things work, right?
Also- we should explain to the youth exactly what does and does not constitute homosexual behavior. One of the little whippersnappers had expressed a desire for me to come over to his house and suck his dick. I explained to the lad that this constituted the very homosexual behavior that he was chiding me for engaging in. He said that it didn't. If another man sucks your dick, that doesn't make you gay. And I'd sort of be inclined to agree with him, depending upon how good your imagination was. However, if you want another man to suck your dick, then that would make you and the man sucking your dick gay. I mean, think about it. If your desire is for someone of the same sex to pleasure you orally, then you are gay. If you are a woman and want another woman to insert both of her hands up to the elbows in your vagina, you're gay. If you're a man and you want another man to thrust a two-liter bottle sized dildo into your ass and perforate your colon, you're gay.
I don't want anyone here to think that I have anything against gay people. I don't. I just want the future of our country to know how to properly use someone's sexual orientation as an insult. I want these kids to do this shit right. If you're going to make fun of the person driving over your digital corpse for engaging in filthy, decadent, lubed up homo sex, make sure that you yourself do not put yourself in the position of appearing to enjoy the same behavior. That's just not how you insult someone. I'm not going to go to a sex club, stand up and point at the performers, and yell, "Oh my god, that's fucking disgusting!!! How can you put your penis in her vagina!! That shit is sick!!!" It lacks impact. You cannot be guilty of the same behavior that you are ridiculing. It damages your credibility. And when you're 15 years old, you really don't have much credibility in the first place.
So last night, I was playing 'Grand Theft Auto IV' on Live with Sean, and I'd almost forgotten about the fact that more retarded teenagers inhabit Live than actual normal human beings. Last time I was on Live, I was told that I'd played Halo 3, "...like a nigger"; I'm sure that had it been a game of Madden, that would have been a compliment. However, as black people are much less suited for futuristic guerrilla warfare than white people, this is not a compliment, and more of a put-down. I also heard the word "homo" bandied about quite a bit, which confused me. I thought that in the future, when confronted with an external enemy that wished for our destruction, we would put aside trivial matters such as ass fucking, scissoring, and even docking. Apparently not. Apparently even in the 26th century, if you are a dude and put a penis in your mouth, you are not a valued member of society or the military.
Anyway, getting to the point of this entry, we were jamming out on Live, Sean and I, and we were just riding around in cars, shooting and running down pedestrians for our own amusement. It was Free Mode, which encourages these things. At no point did we attempt to engage anyone else, and for the most part we were on our own private chat line, talking about shit we hated and cartoons, etc. At some point, we decided to get a bunch of people in a bus with a shitload of ammo and just drive around, totally fucking shit up. It seemed like a great plan, and there were a few people that were down with it.
But then we found the kids that weren't.
I know they were kids cos one of them was still looking at a good five years before his balls dropped, and the other thought that the worst insult one could level at another was "faggot". Adults know that there are far worse things you can say, things such as "Mexican" or "Republican". But hey, they'll figure it out, they're young. Either way, I forget what started it- oh wait, no I don't. In order to get the little fuckers pissed, Sean did what I'd like to call 'Live Baiting'. One of the boys was obvious a dark skinned fellow, so Sean dropped the 'nigger' card, and boy, did it hop off from there.
Using everything that he'd learned from whatever hip-hop musician is popular right now, he proceeded to let us know that we were obviously faggots, as only gay people use racial slurs. That hurts my feelings, I use shitloads of them, and to the best of my, my wife's, my child, and my penis' knowledge, I'm not gay. My balls have not returned any phonecalls, but they've been known to drink, so I'm sure they're still asleep. I'm okay with being called a faggot; I'm used to it, I went to public school and I wasn't a popular kid. I heard it a lot. And it was my brother's favorite insult as well. Well, second if you don't count homo as the same word.
But someone needs to tell these kids what and what does not constitute being a homo. Someone should sit them down and explain that if you refer to someone as a, "sweet faggot", that's not so much an insult on your part, but sort of a compliment...if you are gay. During the hey-day of the KKK, do you think that the Klan would sit around and figure out which sweet nigger's yard they wanted to go burn a cross in? Do you think the Nazi's would have arguements over which sweet kike they wanted to gas first? I'm guessing that they didn't, they probably used another word, something like "goddamn" or "fucking". You generally don't use sweet as an adjective if you are speaking derogatorily about something. Generally. Not that I'm some sort of linguist(except the cunning kind...GET IT?!?!?!?!?!), or anything like that, but it just seems like it makes sense. When someone asks you how you're doing, you don't say, "I'd be better, if I didn't have this sweet brain cancer". That's generally how things work, right?
Also- we should explain to the youth exactly what does and does not constitute homosexual behavior. One of the little whippersnappers had expressed a desire for me to come over to his house and suck his dick. I explained to the lad that this constituted the very homosexual behavior that he was chiding me for engaging in. He said that it didn't. If another man sucks your dick, that doesn't make you gay. And I'd sort of be inclined to agree with him, depending upon how good your imagination was. However, if you want another man to suck your dick, then that would make you and the man sucking your dick gay. I mean, think about it. If your desire is for someone of the same sex to pleasure you orally, then you are gay. If you are a woman and want another woman to insert both of her hands up to the elbows in your vagina, you're gay. If you're a man and you want another man to thrust a two-liter bottle sized dildo into your ass and perforate your colon, you're gay.
I don't want anyone here to think that I have anything against gay people. I don't. I just want the future of our country to know how to properly use someone's sexual orientation as an insult. I want these kids to do this shit right. If you're going to make fun of the person driving over your digital corpse for engaging in filthy, decadent, lubed up homo sex, make sure that you yourself do not put yourself in the position of appearing to enjoy the same behavior. That's just not how you insult someone. I'm not going to go to a sex club, stand up and point at the performers, and yell, "Oh my god, that's fucking disgusting!!! How can you put your penis in her vagina!! That shit is sick!!!" It lacks impact. You cannot be guilty of the same behavior that you are ridiculing. It damages your credibility. And when you're 15 years old, you really don't have much credibility in the first place.
12.15.2008
Top 10 Favorite Games of All Time
So I'm watching Resident Evil: Regeneration, which is not part of the shitty Milla Jovovich series, but a CGI series that is part of the game cannon. And it got me thinking about how two of my fave games are ResEvil. And then I got to thinking further, "Dude, you should talk about your top ten favorite games". I do this so you can either laugh at my nerdiness or agree with me. Disagreement is punished with scorn and ridicule. This is no particular order. And yes, I realize some of these are multi-platform, but for this entry I am giving the console on which I played the game the most.
10. Sonic The Hedgehog 3(Genesis)
This, for me, was the peak of 2D Sonic radness. Between the awesome Chaos Emerald bonus stages, to the sweet, sweet level design, there was nothing that wasn't great about this game. Not only that, but it was from the 16-bit era, which means that games had to be fun, otherwise they wouldn't get played. Graphics increases have made a lot of things awesome, but they haven't done anything for the fun. Now, a game can just look pretty, and it will sell. See Final Fantasy's continued existence on the non-handheld consoles.
9. Ninja Gaiden(XBox)
This game took up so much of my life, it's insane. I literally played it for about 4 mos. straight. Not like, 8hrs a day or nothing, but it was 4hrs here, 4 there. What can I say about this game? Deep combat system, awesome story, almost-RPG elements.....you're a fucking ninja. Yeah, this game has everything. The shitty camera system can sooooooooo be overlooked, just because the game itself is so great. Honestly, I felt more of an accomplishment beating this game than I did graduating high school. FACT.
8. Resident Evil 2(PlayStation)
Fucking zombies. How can you beat that shit, man? The first Resident Evil I played the holy hell out of. Once, I rented a PlayStation from Home Vision Video and since I didn't have a Memcard, I just left the thing on the whole weekend, so I wouldn't lose my progress. The game was that important to me. Imagine my excitement when a cousin let me use his PlayStation while he was doing something, and the only game he had was Resident Evil 2. I stayed up until 4am sometimes playing this game. I still, to this day, love this fucking game and would buy a PlayStation just to play it.
7. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic(XBox)
The only thing I can really say about how good this game is: George Lucas should have let BioWare write the prequels. Yeah. I said it.
6. Sonic Adventure(Dreamcast)
Hands down, THE BEST SONIC GAME EVAR. I have never felt such a sense of speed from any game I have ever played. This game is one of two reasons to get a Dreamcast if you have about $40. Seriously, even though you had to play as Big The Cat, whose fishing game totally sucked balls, the Sonic levels were just sheer brilliance. If Sega wants to make an awesome Sonic game, which they haven't since Sonic Adventure 2, they need to get everyone that worked on this game and tell them to do exactly the same fucking thing they did in 1999.
5. Marvel vs. Capcom 2(Dreamcast)
Three on three fighting. 56 playable characters from Marvel and Capcom's universe. 2D fighting. I once won a match in 12 seconds flat. This game was made for the ADD generation. And oh yeah, two different versions of Wolverine.
4. Wip3out 3(PlayStation)
Wip3out has always been my favorite racing series. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only reason to get a PlayStation. 3 was the highwater mark of the series. They weren't dicking around with all the upgrade shit, the tracks were out of control, and one time I took a bunch of mescaline and played the game. I got stuck in it. It was fucking amazing.
3. Resident Evil 4(Gamecube)
How do you make a series better? You do what Capcom did with Resident Evil 4. Sure, there's no zombies, but I beat the game in 5 days, I played it so much.
2. Grand Theft Auto IV(XBox 360)
The other day, I spent about a half hour just watching TV in the game. I didn't accomplish anything, I didn't whack anybody , I just sat in my [digital]apartment and watched TV. And I didn't feel like I was wasting time. Just like real life. This game, and yes it does have faults(*cough*textureandobjectpopup*), is one of the most engrossing games ever released. Rockstar has actually created a living, breating world. And the radio stations are the best yet.
1. Buck Rodgers: Countdown to Doomsday(Genesis)
I don't know what it is about this game, but I spent soooooooooooooooo much money renting this from Sounds Easy Video. And I spent even more time playing it. And entire Summer vacation was wasted on this game. Whenever I download Gensis ROM's, this is the first game I look for. Turn-based strategy RPG based in some weird goofy Buck Rogers universe I don't recognize. RAM? Terrines?? NEO??? Apparently all this shit is based on some Buck Rogers XXVC role-playing pen and paper game, but I never got into it. I just know that Martian Needle Guns are the shit.
There's a ton more that I'm sure should be on here. Mass Effect was sick. Star Wars: KOTOR 2 was great. Fucking Final Fantasy Tactics. Chronotrigger. It goes on. Let me know what your list is.
10. Sonic The Hedgehog 3(Genesis)
This, for me, was the peak of 2D Sonic radness. Between the awesome Chaos Emerald bonus stages, to the sweet, sweet level design, there was nothing that wasn't great about this game. Not only that, but it was from the 16-bit era, which means that games had to be fun, otherwise they wouldn't get played. Graphics increases have made a lot of things awesome, but they haven't done anything for the fun. Now, a game can just look pretty, and it will sell. See Final Fantasy's continued existence on the non-handheld consoles.
9. Ninja Gaiden(XBox)
This game took up so much of my life, it's insane. I literally played it for about 4 mos. straight. Not like, 8hrs a day or nothing, but it was 4hrs here, 4 there. What can I say about this game? Deep combat system, awesome story, almost-RPG elements.....you're a fucking ninja. Yeah, this game has everything. The shitty camera system can sooooooooo be overlooked, just because the game itself is so great. Honestly, I felt more of an accomplishment beating this game than I did graduating high school. FACT.
8. Resident Evil 2(PlayStation)
Fucking zombies. How can you beat that shit, man? The first Resident Evil I played the holy hell out of. Once, I rented a PlayStation from Home Vision Video and since I didn't have a Memcard, I just left the thing on the whole weekend, so I wouldn't lose my progress. The game was that important to me. Imagine my excitement when a cousin let me use his PlayStation while he was doing something, and the only game he had was Resident Evil 2. I stayed up until 4am sometimes playing this game. I still, to this day, love this fucking game and would buy a PlayStation just to play it.
7. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic(XBox)
The only thing I can really say about how good this game is: George Lucas should have let BioWare write the prequels. Yeah. I said it.
6. Sonic Adventure(Dreamcast)
Hands down, THE BEST SONIC GAME EVAR. I have never felt such a sense of speed from any game I have ever played. This game is one of two reasons to get a Dreamcast if you have about $40. Seriously, even though you had to play as Big The Cat, whose fishing game totally sucked balls, the Sonic levels were just sheer brilliance. If Sega wants to make an awesome Sonic game, which they haven't since Sonic Adventure 2, they need to get everyone that worked on this game and tell them to do exactly the same fucking thing they did in 1999.
5. Marvel vs. Capcom 2(Dreamcast)
Three on three fighting. 56 playable characters from Marvel and Capcom's universe. 2D fighting. I once won a match in 12 seconds flat. This game was made for the ADD generation. And oh yeah, two different versions of Wolverine.
4. Wip3out 3(PlayStation)
Wip3out has always been my favorite racing series. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only reason to get a PlayStation. 3 was the highwater mark of the series. They weren't dicking around with all the upgrade shit, the tracks were out of control, and one time I took a bunch of mescaline and played the game. I got stuck in it. It was fucking amazing.
3. Resident Evil 4(Gamecube)
How do you make a series better? You do what Capcom did with Resident Evil 4. Sure, there's no zombies, but I beat the game in 5 days, I played it so much.
2. Grand Theft Auto IV(XBox 360)
The other day, I spent about a half hour just watching TV in the game. I didn't accomplish anything, I didn't whack anybody , I just sat in my [digital]apartment and watched TV. And I didn't feel like I was wasting time. Just like real life. This game, and yes it does have faults(*cough*textureandobjectpopup*), is one of the most engrossing games ever released. Rockstar has actually created a living, breating world. And the radio stations are the best yet.
1. Buck Rodgers: Countdown to Doomsday(Genesis)
I don't know what it is about this game, but I spent soooooooooooooooo much money renting this from Sounds Easy Video. And I spent even more time playing it. And entire Summer vacation was wasted on this game. Whenever I download Gensis ROM's, this is the first game I look for. Turn-based strategy RPG based in some weird goofy Buck Rogers universe I don't recognize. RAM? Terrines?? NEO??? Apparently all this shit is based on some Buck Rogers XXVC role-playing pen and paper game, but I never got into it. I just know that Martian Needle Guns are the shit.
There's a ton more that I'm sure should be on here. Mass Effect was sick. Star Wars: KOTOR 2 was great. Fucking Final Fantasy Tactics. Chronotrigger. It goes on. Let me know what your list is.
12.03.2008
Holiday-themed racism
Hola.
I was over at joystiq.com, which alongside kotaku.com, is one of two sites that I read on a regular basis to look at all the stuff I can't really afford, but would love to have. And I guess Microsoft got together with some other Hispanic-related survey polling company or whatever, and they determined that the Xbox 360 is the perfect gift for a Hispanic family. Which is funny, cos I would have figured that the Taco-Mania Playset or Juanny Print-Your-Own-Greencard would have been the one thing that Hispanic families would want. Turns out that living in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood does not make you more sensitive to their needs. Here's the survey! And here's me mocking it ruthlessly and with incredibly shallow racism!
This is not a joke.
I was over at joystiq.com, which alongside kotaku.com, is one of two sites that I read on a regular basis to look at all the stuff I can't really afford, but would love to have. And I guess Microsoft got together with some other Hispanic-related survey polling company or whatever, and they determined that the Xbox 360 is the perfect gift for a Hispanic family. Which is funny, cos I would have figured that the Taco-Mania Playset or Juanny Print-Your-Own-Greencard would have been the one thing that Hispanic families would want. Turns out that living in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood does not make you more sensitive to their needs. Here's the survey! And here's me mocking it ruthlessly and with incredibly shallow racism!
Some of the key findings include:
-- More Hispanics want a gift that brings their family together (89% vs. 64% of general population)
My take: Yeah, I bet they want a gift that brings the family together. And nothing brings a family closer together than an Xbox 360. My, I remember how close my family came together when we got our Sega Genesis. I spent a shit ton of time using the box to ignore the fuck out of my parents, who in all honesty were never really that into playing boardgames with us once I got past age NEVER; the other time I was trying to figure out ways to scam my brother out of his turn.
-- More Hispanics are looking for gifts that people can enjoy throughout the year (95% vs. 85% of general population)
My take: Are they saying that Black people are looking for gifts that they can only enjoy when they are out in the exercise yard? That's what they mean by general population, right?
-- More Hispanics are looking for affordable ways to entertain their family over the holidays (85% vs. 81% of general population)
My take: Running into the living room and screaming ICE!! ICE!! is totally free.
-- Many more Hispanics would rather buy one gift for their whole family than spend money on lots of individual gifts (83 % vs. 52% of general population)
My take: Mexicans are fucking cheap. The statistics totally reinforce this shit.
I don't know if it's cos White people are dicks or if it's just me, but whenever my parents would get both me and my brother a gift, I felt slighted. Sure, it's cos he was five years younger than me and when you're 15 getting action figures as opposed to a stereo, you feel like maybe you did something wrong.
And seriously, the family that plays together is more likely to punch each other in the fucking face. About 50% of the fights me and my brother got in were somehow related to that fucking Sega Genesis. And I have a 360, so I can tell you for certain that it doesn't exude any sort of mood altering pheromone to make getting your ass handed to you in Madden any easier to take.
And I do like how they say, "HALF OF HISPANICS PLAN TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES THIS SEASON". Shit, 100% of the people I know plan on playing video games this season. Fuck, 75% of the people I know plan on playing video games in one hour. That's not really a good statistic. It's like saying that 95% of all Black people are going to listen to hip-hop tonight while they straight roll a blunt, yo. Is that really something you need to make a press-release for? No.
Also, "BEING ENTERTAINED AT HOME IS CRUCIAL FAMILY HAPPINESS". I don't know about that. I mean, yeah, I can sort of see how it makes sense. If the Menendez boys had more to do at the house, outside of firearm appreciation, then the parents would probably still be alive today. But I don't think that you need to be entertained at home for the family to be happy. I could drink anywhere, really, and still be happy. I just like to do it at home, cos when I take my pants off, the police don't show up.
In other news, does anyone know when Frank Miller became a fucking maniac? I mean, dude wrote 'Sin City', '300', did a fucking killer run on 'Daredevil' that pretty much defined the character, did 'The Dark Knight Returns' and 'Batman: Year One', and also penciled the 'Wolverine' solo that defined that character. So you'd think with those sorts of laurels, the dude would pretty much be the go-to guy for DC's 'All-Star Batman and Robin', right??
No. Absolutely not. The comic is fucking out of control. Either Frank Miller has suffered some sort of head injury, or he just stopped taking his meds somewhere around 1993 and we never noticed. I know, I know, if you're into this sort of thing you already know about this.
I'm talking about the goddamned Batman.
This is not a joke.I'm not kidding. It seems like every other minute, Batman is talking about the "...goddamned Batmobile" or the "goddamned Batcomputer" or something that he feels the need to let us know has been damned by god. Also, this Batman is fucking crazy.
I'm sure you're probably saying, "No shit. He dresses up like a bat to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. He hangs out with a little kid all the time. In a fucking cave!!!" No, I mean legitamately insane.
I'm sure you're probably saying, "No shit. He dresses up like a bat to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. He hangs out with a little kid all the time. In a fucking cave!!!" No, I mean legitamately insane.
I told you.
Seriously. He's dropping out of the fucking sky laughing like a goddamned psycho. What the fuck happened, Frank Miller? Did you just realize that, "Oh, Batman is nothing more than a delayed adolescent fantasy gone wrong"?? We've all known this for years. He dresses up like a bat and shoots people with boomerangs and shit. To fight crime.
Wait...what?
Don't get me wrong- It's a great read. Because it's so fucking hilarious. Otherwise, it's fucking awful. It's just one more reason why I don't really read DC. Very few and far between do they have anyone that knows what they're doing with the characters. It's like they hire people and just let them do whatever. "Oh yeah, I know they've been acting this way for fucking ever, but you just do whatever you want with them. Ignore previous conventions as opposed to characterization. No one is going to read this shit in 15 years, anyway."
So stop giving him shit, already. Goddamn.
So I'm not working anymore, doing the Mr. Mom thing, only without all those kids and the creepy older chick trying to get into my pants. So you can bet there'll be more of this shit, cos I have plenty of time on my hands to goof around on the intertubes and read fucked up shit.
You're all doomed.
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