9.11.2008

Fear

I know I haven't been around in awhile, but I've been doing things. Daddy things, and not in that creepy way, either. I'm not leering after pre-teens at the school yard, I'm making stupid faces trying to make my child laugh. But she's in daycare, I'm not at work, and I've got a few things on my mind. So let's just get on this shit and get it out of the way, beeyotch.

1- Did you know that retards can vote? I didn't, and it
fucking scares the shit out of me. Seriously. There's not a vast, untapped legion of voters out there that can be swayed with the promise of candy and/or popsicles. And then there's the retards, whom can be swayed with those things and toys. Does this bother anyone else? They can't tie their shoes, or shit in a toilet, but they can make a choice on who's going to be our next President. That's fucked up, man. A felon can't vote, and they (for the most part) have all their faculties. They just have really shitty impulse control, and can't decide whether to take no for an answer, or just set it all on fire anyway.
I mean, seriously,
retarded people can vote. You might as well give four year olds the right to vote, too. And Muppets. No Fraggles, though. They don't even let those Digger-type fuckers finish what they're doing before they start eating the shit out of it. Fuck Fraggles. However, retards voting does bring me to my next two points:

1.3- Those losers that were protesting 'Tropic Thunder' cos it had that lengthy discourse about how to win an Oscar while playing a retard; and apparently they give a lengthy discourse about how to properly play a retard and win an Oscar. And a bunch of
non-retarded people are all pissed off about this. They say it's offensive. Of course, since they work with retarded people constantly, they know what offends them, and a word with more than two syllables is one of those things. I think I may have mentioned this in another blog, in another land, but I've found that more often than not, the people protesting "offensive shit" usually embody none of the things that they're protesting. Sure, they had a couple of 'tards out there with signs and shit, looking all slack jawed and Downs Syndrome-y, but do you think any of them honestly gave a fuck about this movie? No, they were probably just pissed off that they were missing Spongebob Squarepants cos some asshole didn't like the fact that someone was using retarded in a negative connotation.
But hey, asshole, last time I checked, retard
is a negative connotation. It's sure as shit not a good thing when the doctor tells you your child is "mentally retarded". No one is throwing parties for that shit. No one is driving around town screaming, "Yeeeeaaaaah!! I just had a retard baby!!!! WOOOOOO!!!". Although, maybe down south they are...
Either way, these people should learn to shut the fuck up and load the van up with all the 'tard babies, and take them to fucking Chuckie Cheese and have a good time. It's a movie, dude. It's a fake world with fake people doing fake shit. Who fucking cares? It's like trying to ban smoking in movies. If you start smoking cos you saw Keanu do it, you deserve to get fucking lung cancer and die. Because you are stupid. And if you have children, then they deserve to have you die when they're young, just so they don't have any awful memories of how stupid you were.

1.5- I bring all this up because of Sarah Palin. I listen to a lot of talk radio, and some moron caller called in about her nomination as VP, and was talking about her giving birth to a child, even though she knew it was 'tarded. Or if you want to be all scientific,
Downs Syndrome-y.
Anyway, the caller said that when the retards all heard about Sarah Palin, they cheered. And she inferred that it was cos of the announcement of Sarah Palin. To this, I call bullshit. They probably just passed an ice cream truck or a candy store, something like that. I mean, seriously, retards do not care about politics. They care about apples(Thanks, Patton!), they care about bright colors, and they care about shiny things. They're fucking ferrets with thumbs and a slightly expanded vocabular.

2- It's been out for a long time, but
Grand Theft Auto IV is fucking awesome. Seriously. I have beaten the game, but I still enjoy, from time to time, firing it up and just going out and causing serious levels of havoc upon an unsuspecting populace. It makes me even happier to create backstories for some random dude that I plow over.
For example: there's Fred Erics, 48, father of two. He's a lawyer in the real estate business, and it's been a busy week for him. Sure, he could have taken the car to work today, but he doesn't have time to find parking. So he walks. And he just happens to be walking down the street as I come hurtling down the sidewalk at 80mph and splatter him all over the hood of the cop car I stole like a fucking bug. Not a good day to be a real estate lawyer.
The game just manages to do everything that sandbox games have been
promising for a long time. It doesn't do it all perfectly, but it does it pretty goddamn good. Better than it has been. If you want to go watch TV for a couple of hours, you can actually watch TV for hours. It's fucking brilliant. The radio stations are top notch, and I haven't really listened to all of them, yet. The cars handle like actual cars, so yes, while you can't go e-braking around a corner like you could, you can't pull that shit in real life, anyway. Trust me, I've tried.

3- There's more stuff, but this is already getting too long, and funny left town awhile ago. So I'll end it on this: TV on the Radio's new album leaked awhile ago, and being the forward-thinking, cheap motherfucker I am, I downloaded it.
And holy hell, I can say that it is probably one of the best goddamn records I've
ever heard. That opinion may change awhile down the road, I've been listening to it for awhile(two days). It beats the hell out of Return to Cookie Mountain. And I think that if you like music, you should either download it or go buy it. I'm not going to buy it, cos I'm going to give them my cash direct when I buy their merch next month.

3.5- Oh yeah, saw Reggie and the Full Effect as well. One of the most fun shows I've ever been to. Hands down. Reggie kicked ass for a solid two hours, and he even let us hear some new Fluxuation stuff. And there's going to be a Common Denominator album as well. And a Get-Up Kids reunion. Sometimes, things are really good.