Never listen to the Blacklight Cobra

I'm going through some sort of withdrawal to console gaming, as I purchased a Gamecube today, a refurbished model that only set me back about $40. I've always had a little soft spot in my heart for the 'Cube, mostly cos of Viewtiful Joe, Resident Evil 4, Ikaruga, and a few other little weird quirky titles that didn't really show up anywhere else. I was sort of looking for a GBA, but those fuckers run $59.99 used. Fuck that. I saw that 'Cube at the magic price point, and viola, the decision was made.
With it came Paper Mario, as fun an RPG there ever was made. I mean, dude, you get to smash Koopa Koops in the fucking balls with a hammer. How awesome is that?
I wanted to get Ikaruga, but they wanted $40 for it. Fuck that, bro. That shit is coming out on XBLA in like, a month or so. I'll grab it for less cash and with better graphics to boot. I wonder, though, will it still support putting your TV on end in order to make the playing field longer????

I know I said I'd blog more than I did at the other blog, and I want to, it's just that there's a lot of shit that's going on that's keeping me away from the computer these days. Why I'm sitting here at this ungodly hour writing this is beyond me.
Oh yeah, waiting for the Tylenol PM to kick in, and covering it with beer. That's it...

More sharing

These are mannequins. And they are fucked up. It's like someone gave a chick fake tits, and then thought it would be a good idea to use massive gumdrops for nipples. Freaky.

And if you beat off to this sort of shit, shame on you.

I'm a good person.

I found something for you guys, and I found it cos I'm a giver.

Check it out.

There's just something about a midget poured into latex.

Who are you?

I used to rip on people that liked CSI, mostly cos I thought it was an empty stupid show with no redeeming qualities. It appears that I will have to rip on myself now. For more than my tiny peepee.

I like the show cos every single episode follows the exact same fucking format. They find a body, Grissom and his ass partners show up, Grissom makes some stupid joke, they do CSI shit to solve the case, they yell at the hipster CSI, they solve the case, and then Grissom takes everyone home and bakes them cookies.
Actually, that last part isn't in there, but can't you imagine how great it would be??

"Careful kids, I just took them out of the oven and their still a little hot...hey Black Guy CSI, isn't that your pager going off? Yeah, I guess you don't get any this time..."

Bastards! Collect them all!

So I'm fucking working all over-nights at work next week, and ordinarily that wouldn't piss me off. Well, working period pisses me off, but this wouldn't like, push me over the edge or anything. What irritates me is that I'm not going to have a single weekend off, which totally fucks my ability to do shit.
Going anywhere for a day? Nope, not happening.
Doing laundry? Can't, I go to the 'rents for that shit, and if I'm working an overnight, I'm not getting up until 1 or 2 or some shit, and then driving the 40mins to Bath...to do laundry all day? No, fuck that.

So basically I got fucked hard by agreeing to do overnights for these people. I'm assuming that they were able to find someone to do overnights for the two days I have off, and then they just saddled me with the rest of it. Whatever. Sooner or later, this blog shit is going to make me famous, and then I'll never have to get dressed. I'll just wake up, and blast some funny shit out of my ass for you guys. But not like poop, I mean words and shit.
Oh, to dream...

Wrapping it up, I got a couple old posts from Myspace that I'll clean up and move over here, just cos I thought they were really funny, and I think that all the people who read them the first time might as well read them again here. Cos I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have any new readers. At least not until the billboards go up...

Yesterday was Christmas for terrorists.

So yesterday was the 6 year anniversary of 9/11 and all the talk radio hosts made a big hullabaloo about it. Which was to be expected, after all. The most important things in this country right now are, in this order: illegal immigration, a bunch of other shit, and the War on Terror. It's pretty sad that they all realize how well the War on Terror is going(Skeletor is still running amok, Megatron has just struck Austin, and Doctors Doom, Octapus, and Death are feared to be planning another terror attack on little Timmy Johnson, age 5), so now we have to suddenly switch gears and decide that a bunch of Mexicans picking lettuce is the most important thing in this country right now.
Mike Gallagher, or however you spell his name, was talking about how Rudy Gulliani, or however you spell his name, didn't think that illegal immigration was a crime. He then went on to mock ol' Rudy, and asked him if he didn't think that getting rid of rapists, and drunk drivers was that big of an issue. Like we get rid of them and then all of the sudden, the streets will be safe for idiot drivers and loose women to just frolic around. Hah. Americans love three things: cars, beer, and rape. Seriously. If we could somehow find a way to drive a car drunk and simultaneously rape someone, we'd be all over it. Seriously though, America does love cars and beer, and often at the same time; why do you think there is such a drunk driving problem in this country?? Hell, I'm pretty sure that George Washington wrote the Constitution drunk, after taking a wagon home from "Ye Olde Waterin' Hole".
So we get rid of all these illegals, who are coming over here people, they are coming over here and stealing our jobs. I remember how when I was a young boy, I wanted nothing more than to pick lettuce or garbage on the highways. Imagine my horror and outrage when I found out that Juan was already doing it, and the son of a bitch was doing it for way cheaper than I ever would have. Son of a bitch!

They make it sound like some poor fucker goes to med school for years and years, only to get out and find that his dreams of Lexus' and golf afternoons have been rendered null and void by Dr. Sanchez from Mexico City, who is currently working for $17,000 a year. Imagine his pain.

So yeah, yesterday was the six year anniversary of 9/11and everyone was going on and on about Iraq, and bin Laden, and blah blah blah. I spent it much like I spent the first 9/11, which was asleep for a better part of the day. The talk radio hosts were asking callers, themselves, and I imagine metaphorically their listeners' whether we, as Americans, have learned anything from 9/11. A lot of them were talking shit about how they learned to love this country, and how they learned that we are not safe, and that they learned Paris Hilton is a ginormous whore. You know what I learned? Planes blow up really good. Buildings, not so much.
Also, I learned that terrorists are bad. I didn't know that before. I thought that terrorists were just these goofy guys that hung out in the Middle East and talked shit about the West in between games of Uno. They might have even had some touch football games going, who knows? Now I know that they fucking hate the shit out of me and everything I stand for, which honestly...isn't much. I mean, if they want to waste their time on a dude that thinks DC comics are pretty much shit, that's their business, and their time. I'm not over here in America saying, "Those terrorists would be okay if only they would stop kidnapping civilian contractors and decapitating them on the web. Other than that, I got no beef with them.". I'm also not critiquing their choice of gods, either. That's they business.

Okay, so first one down. Maybe the others will be funny. No promises, though.