If there's two things that I like, they're anime and deals. They go together like penis and vagina. Unless you're not into that shit. But whatever. Anyway, while shopping at Stop and Shop the other day, I came across three anime DVD's for $2.99. I figure, hey, what the hell? One of them was definitely Captain Herlock/Harlock, and the other two had giant robots flying around. How could it possibly be bad? Even when I get a dollar movie from Wal-Mart and it's shitty, at least I get a kick out of it.
Then I saw Protectors of Universe. Yeah, totally. To call this movie "written" is being really, really, really fucking polite. This movie makes absolutely no sense. It's like they took a bunch of shit from other anime, mashed it together, and then well....and then I guess everyone was super loaded the entire time, too.
I watched about 30mins of this, and here's what I figured out: a new star forms, sends out some signal, and then these mohawk sporting blue dudes that attack in submarines. They waste what I thought was Earth, but turns out to be Orion, I think. Orion or whatever freaks out and decides to put ALL THE CHILDREN ON A SPACE TRAIN. I'm not kidding. Eventually Earth releases their giant robot, Mazinger 7....who has a 7 on his belt buckle. He flies around and smashes the blue dudes ships, at one point punching into a cockpit and smashing a dude in the face- that is my favorite part of the whole fucking thing. Like it was personal for the robot.
Anyway, the space train docks into Mazinger 7's butthole. And he flies around with the train in his ass.
Seriously. Someone else made this up, not me. The only possible way I could come up with anything close to this is if drank for about three days straight. And if I did that, I would be too blasted to write.
Then, there's the voice over work. It's so fucking bad. Seriously, I'm sure they just took whomever they say walking down the street and recorded them with an old Fisher Price tape recorder. Hell, some of them didn't even sound like they could read all that well.
Anyone know of any PC DVD playback programs that'll let you take screen caps of whatever you're watching? You gotta see some of this shit.
5.01.2008
Who the fuck are you kidding?
I like to think that I'm a pretty tolerant guy: you wanna fuck some dude in the ass or scissor fuck some broad, go for it. You want to let a German Shepard fuck you in the ass while your creepy friends video tape it/jerk off, go for it. You want to cut the head of your dick off in the name of "taking control of your body", hey man, do it up.
I suppose those are extreme examples, but I thought I would start with that first. I'm not averse to people coming to this country from some other one. Hell, this whole country was built on that premise: come here, give us what you've got and we'll make something kick ass out of it. That's what makes us so much more rad than other countries is this implied(I'll get to that in a second) openness of the country. The whole "Give us your weak, your huddled masses..." etc, etc. Seriously, I am so fucking down with that.
But you do it by the rules. Shit man, I'm fucking married to an immigrant. You don't just come in here illegally and then get pissed off when people get mad that you're here. That's like breaking into someone's house, firing up their PlayStation or XBox and then getting angry with them when they ask you to leave. That's fucking bullshit, man.
Read this. And try not to laugh your fucking ass off. You've got this one bitch talking about immigrant rights. Immigrants do have rights. Legal immigrants have rights. Illegal immigrants have rights, too. Unfortunately, one of them is not being allowed to stay in the country. Shit, you fuckers knew that from the get go. That's why you sneaked in!!!!!
And seriously, it's not racial profiling. Is it racial profiling when you look for a 30 year old white male with serious mommy issues that's been chopping up prostitutes in Vancouver? No! It's simple fucking profiling!
Goddammit, this shit is pissing me off. I really, really, really, really don't have a problem with people coming here from other countries, obviously. But I do have a problem with people coming here illegally and sucking up resources and tax dollars and then bitching about when they get shown the door. Fuck you, man.
Jesus, this shit really fucking irritates me.
But on the plus side, Grand Theft Auto IV is fucking awesome. Really. I want to talk more about it, but I have to eat, and I've really only been playing for about five or six hours. And with GTA, that's not nearly enough time to let you know just how B.A. the game is. Plus, I wanna get into the multi-player, too, before I let you know just how kick ass it is.
But you know you've got a great game on your hands when you hit a tree with your car and send your poor Serbian protagonist shooting out of the windshield like a javelin.
I suppose those are extreme examples, but I thought I would start with that first. I'm not averse to people coming to this country from some other one. Hell, this whole country was built on that premise: come here, give us what you've got and we'll make something kick ass out of it. That's what makes us so much more rad than other countries is this implied(I'll get to that in a second) openness of the country. The whole "Give us your weak, your huddled masses..." etc, etc. Seriously, I am so fucking down with that.
But you do it by the rules. Shit man, I'm fucking married to an immigrant. You don't just come in here illegally and then get pissed off when people get mad that you're here. That's like breaking into someone's house, firing up their PlayStation or XBox and then getting angry with them when they ask you to leave. That's fucking bullshit, man.
Read this. And try not to laugh your fucking ass off. You've got this one bitch talking about immigrant rights. Immigrants do have rights. Legal immigrants have rights. Illegal immigrants have rights, too. Unfortunately, one of them is not being allowed to stay in the country. Shit, you fuckers knew that from the get go. That's why you sneaked in!!!!!
And seriously, it's not racial profiling. Is it racial profiling when you look for a 30 year old white male with serious mommy issues that's been chopping up prostitutes in Vancouver? No! It's simple fucking profiling!
Goddammit, this shit is pissing me off. I really, really, really, really don't have a problem with people coming here from other countries, obviously. But I do have a problem with people coming here illegally and sucking up resources and tax dollars and then bitching about when they get shown the door. Fuck you, man.
Jesus, this shit really fucking irritates me.
But on the plus side, Grand Theft Auto IV is fucking awesome. Really. I want to talk more about it, but I have to eat, and I've really only been playing for about five or six hours. And with GTA, that's not nearly enough time to let you know just how B.A. the game is. Plus, I wanna get into the multi-player, too, before I let you know just how kick ass it is.
But you know you've got a great game on your hands when you hit a tree with your car and send your poor Serbian protagonist shooting out of the windshield like a javelin.
4.22.2008
Lest We Forget
So today is Earth Day, and much like every other extraneous holiday(Administrative Assistant's Day, Take Your Child To Work Day, Father's Day[no longer extraneous]), no one really paid any attention at all to it, except for a bunch of douche bags on the internet.
Hey douche bags on the internet, next time you want to make a point to us about how the earth is fragile and we all need to take a step back and respect her or whatever, try not to do it on a machine that's insanely toxic and running on fossil fuel burning power plants(probably). Carve that shit onto stone in a cave, in the dark, lit by only a candle that you've made from your own earwax. Then you'll have some credibility.
Me? I want a carbon footprint you can see from fucking space.
My car is running right now....
Hey douche bags on the internet, next time you want to make a point to us about how the earth is fragile and we all need to take a step back and respect her or whatever, try not to do it on a machine that's insanely toxic and running on fossil fuel burning power plants(probably). Carve that shit onto stone in a cave, in the dark, lit by only a candle that you've made from your own earwax. Then you'll have some credibility.
Me? I want a carbon footprint you can see from fucking space.
My car is running right now....
4.21.2008
Try it one last time
Did the collective I.Q. of the nation fucking plummet when I wasn't paying attention?? I know that I'm not obligated to watch the country's intelligence or anything, but when I turn on the news and am confronted by two separate videos of two separate groups of people doing two sets of incredibly stupid things, I have to wonder to myself if I somehow went wrong somewhere. Did I not drive drunk the right time and not hit some retard kid that was going to have more retard children?
I can't help but take it personally. I know, I know, that I had nothing to do with it, but yet I somehow feel responsible.
What I'm talking about is the dude that videotaped himself getting a two year old high. In night vision, no less. That means he didn't want anyone else to see him doing this, yet he filmed the fucking thing in night vision so he himself could watch it later. And I think there was a chick involved, too.
The second thing is the group of teenage girls that film themselves beating the living shit out of another girl. It's in some nice ass living room that you'd see in a sitcom, too. Like 'Growing Pains'. Can you imagine Tina Yothers and all her little friends beating the holy hell out of some little girl, cursing and shit? No.
While both these things are incredibly dumb in and of themselves, what makes it even more retarded is that they both decided to film it. Generally, when you're engaging in criminal behavior, you don't want any more evidence than possible. If someone else seeing your act is a bad thing, fucking filming it is like, the worst thing you can do. I mean, you can say someone else is lying. You can't explain away film. You just can't. Maybe if you were being sued by George Lucas or Michael Bay, you could get away with the film is lying.
What I'm really guessing is that these people just didn't know. They didn't know that you can't give pot to a two year old and not expect to have people find out. Back in the day if you did that, you had to hope that no one found out for at least a month or so, then you were probably going to be safe. If you and your crazy bitch friends beat the hell out of some other girl, you would have probably gotten away with that, especially if that shit was the 60's. I read 'The Outsiders' the other day, and you could more or less get away with murder if you were a teenager.
But, I'm off-track. Anyway, I came up with a very simple form to help you know when to and when not to film shit.
1. Are you engaging in a criminal act?
If no, film.
If yes, see question 2.
2. Is this something that people need to see, or will it be just as funny if you only tell them
about it?
If yes they need to fucking see this, see question 3.
If no, do not film. Really re-think this, too.
3. Are you going to be putting this on YouTube?
If no, go read "If no," for question 2 again. Do not come back.
If yes, are you serious? And go to question 4.
4. Is there a sub-minor involved?
There is no "If yes" for this. You are a hillbilly and you need to give me the camera.
I'm not saying that you should stop doing dumb shit, or that I myself have never done anything dumb. I've done a lot of dumb shit. Hell, I've done some shit that I'm surprised at this age how I even got out of it alive. But I never filmed most of it. The shit that did end up on film is in the hands of my grandmother, and I'm pretty sure she's going to take it to the grave with her. I think it's some sort of insurance.
I wish I had some sort of point, but I guess if I do have one, it's this: we're all fucking dumb. And we are just not ready for shit like video cameras and the internet. If we were, you wouldn't be hearing about shit like this as much as you do. I'm sure people got their kids high in the 70's and 80's. But you didn't really hear about it, cos no one was filming it. I know kids were beating up each other gang style, but you didn't really hear about it unless it happened in your school.
Whatever happened to just telling people about shit?
And if this entry sucks, it's cos I'm high. I'm sorry.
I can't help but take it personally. I know, I know, that I had nothing to do with it, but yet I somehow feel responsible.
What I'm talking about is the dude that videotaped himself getting a two year old high. In night vision, no less. That means he didn't want anyone else to see him doing this, yet he filmed the fucking thing in night vision so he himself could watch it later. And I think there was a chick involved, too.
The second thing is the group of teenage girls that film themselves beating the living shit out of another girl. It's in some nice ass living room that you'd see in a sitcom, too. Like 'Growing Pains'. Can you imagine Tina Yothers and all her little friends beating the holy hell out of some little girl, cursing and shit? No.
While both these things are incredibly dumb in and of themselves, what makes it even more retarded is that they both decided to film it. Generally, when you're engaging in criminal behavior, you don't want any more evidence than possible. If someone else seeing your act is a bad thing, fucking filming it is like, the worst thing you can do. I mean, you can say someone else is lying. You can't explain away film. You just can't. Maybe if you were being sued by George Lucas or Michael Bay, you could get away with the film is lying.
What I'm really guessing is that these people just didn't know. They didn't know that you can't give pot to a two year old and not expect to have people find out. Back in the day if you did that, you had to hope that no one found out for at least a month or so, then you were probably going to be safe. If you and your crazy bitch friends beat the hell out of some other girl, you would have probably gotten away with that, especially if that shit was the 60's. I read 'The Outsiders' the other day, and you could more or less get away with murder if you were a teenager.
But, I'm off-track. Anyway, I came up with a very simple form to help you know when to and when not to film shit.
1. Are you engaging in a criminal act?
If no, film.
If yes, see question 2.
2. Is this something that people need to see, or will it be just as funny if you only tell them
about it?
If yes they need to fucking see this, see question 3.
If no, do not film. Really re-think this, too.
3. Are you going to be putting this on YouTube?
If no, go read "If no," for question 2 again. Do not come back.
If yes, are you serious? And go to question 4.
4. Is there a sub-minor involved?
There is no "If yes" for this. You are a hillbilly and you need to give me the camera.
I'm not saying that you should stop doing dumb shit, or that I myself have never done anything dumb. I've done a lot of dumb shit. Hell, I've done some shit that I'm surprised at this age how I even got out of it alive. But I never filmed most of it. The shit that did end up on film is in the hands of my grandmother, and I'm pretty sure she's going to take it to the grave with her. I think it's some sort of insurance.
I wish I had some sort of point, but I guess if I do have one, it's this: we're all fucking dumb. And we are just not ready for shit like video cameras and the internet. If we were, you wouldn't be hearing about shit like this as much as you do. I'm sure people got their kids high in the 70's and 80's. But you didn't really hear about it, cos no one was filming it. I know kids were beating up each other gang style, but you didn't really hear about it unless it happened in your school.
Whatever happened to just telling people about shit?
And if this entry sucks, it's cos I'm high. I'm sorry.
4.02.2008
4.01.2008
Addendum
Disregard previous post.
No, not an April Fools joke, as that would make me the lamest lame-o ever. Stop fucking saying, "But you already is." If you weren't far away, I'd knife you in the neck, that's how humorless I am today.
This sumbitch that's fixing my car is telling me that not only is the starter fucked, which I already knew, but that the timing belt is fucked. And it's going to cost $1200-1300 to fix. Which is odd, cos the fucking dealer says it's $1050, MAX!!! Furthermore, there's a slim chance that the timing belt is fine.
I am tired and wish to go to sleep. I am also angry and wish to eat mechanic throat right now. And hang his testicles from my rear view.
Maybe not that. It would get a bit foul smelling in there after awhile.
No, not an April Fools joke, as that would make me the lamest lame-o ever. Stop fucking saying, "But you already is." If you weren't far away, I'd knife you in the neck, that's how humorless I am today.
This sumbitch that's fixing my car is telling me that not only is the starter fucked, which I already knew, but that the timing belt is fucked. And it's going to cost $1200-1300 to fix. Which is odd, cos the fucking dealer says it's $1050, MAX!!! Furthermore, there's a slim chance that the timing belt is fine.
I am tired and wish to go to sleep. I am also angry and wish to eat mechanic throat right now. And hang his testicles from my rear view.
Maybe not that. It would get a bit foul smelling in there after awhile.
Bastards of Peace!
So the second love of my life(behind Banana and before the dog), our 2001 Volkswagen Jetta has decided that it will not work when required to do so. Doom on you, Jetta. Well, not really. Don't take that shit personally, baby. I don't mean it. Really. I only mean it part of the way.
Anyway, there's nothing more frustrating than getting in your car to go buy groceries and an external hard drive to find out that the money you were going to throw at a hard drive must now be used to fix your car.
These things happen, I suppose. I guess it's good that it happened while at home instead of at a store somewhere. That shit is the worst. There's nothing worse than coming out of the supermarket with a shit-ton of liquor and condoms(edit: not in Mass, you ain't coming out of no store like that), only to find that your vehicle will not work as ordered.
TRUE STORY: Once when I did not have a car, I had to take a cab in-town to Shaw's to buy some beer and rubbers. When the cab driver saw what I had, he asked me: "Big plans for tonight??" My response? "Yeah. Just cos they're kids don't mean they ain't got the same right to safe sex as you and I." I was attempting to imply that I was buying booze and rubbers for kids, but I guess he thought that I was going to liquor up some children, then fuck them. He said nothing to me the rest of the ride home, and I'm pretty sure he probably thought of calling the police. I lost a little bit of faith in humanity when no police showed up at my door.
So the car is going to be getting fixed today, and I hope that I'm not going to get ass-raped by the cost. I'm not going to a VW dealer for this very same reason. Just cos you have a fancy jumpsuit with your Euro-centric sounding name(Hans...I verk in auto repair) doesn't mean you get to charge me $70 an hour for labor.
I found me a certified dude online, works on Audi's, VW's, Beamers, Mercedes, and Porsche. Yeah, that Porsche. I figure if they're working on Porsches, they're less likely to put your vehicle back together with bailing wire, duct tape, and twist-ties. It's an engine mount on a $70,000 automobile, you can't use superglue on that.
Plus they had some good reviews, too. People said they take care of that shit. And I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
That's all I got for right now. I'm sure as the day goes on, and my coffee intake increases, I'll find something else to get all surly about. Just to make sure, I'm going to brew another pot and go to Drudge Report. That guy always has something.
I also have some horrifically violent mysogistic movies to watch, too. That should be good for a laugh.
Anyway, there's nothing more frustrating than getting in your car to go buy groceries and an external hard drive to find out that the money you were going to throw at a hard drive must now be used to fix your car.
These things happen, I suppose. I guess it's good that it happened while at home instead of at a store somewhere. That shit is the worst. There's nothing worse than coming out of the supermarket with a shit-ton of liquor and condoms(edit: not in Mass, you ain't coming out of no store like that), only to find that your vehicle will not work as ordered.
TRUE STORY: Once when I did not have a car, I had to take a cab in-town to Shaw's to buy some beer and rubbers. When the cab driver saw what I had, he asked me: "Big plans for tonight??" My response? "Yeah. Just cos they're kids don't mean they ain't got the same right to safe sex as you and I." I was attempting to imply that I was buying booze and rubbers for kids, but I guess he thought that I was going to liquor up some children, then fuck them. He said nothing to me the rest of the ride home, and I'm pretty sure he probably thought of calling the police. I lost a little bit of faith in humanity when no police showed up at my door.
So the car is going to be getting fixed today, and I hope that I'm not going to get ass-raped by the cost. I'm not going to a VW dealer for this very same reason. Just cos you have a fancy jumpsuit with your Euro-centric sounding name(Hans...I verk in auto repair) doesn't mean you get to charge me $70 an hour for labor.
I found me a certified dude online, works on Audi's, VW's, Beamers, Mercedes, and Porsche. Yeah, that Porsche. I figure if they're working on Porsches, they're less likely to put your vehicle back together with bailing wire, duct tape, and twist-ties. It's an engine mount on a $70,000 automobile, you can't use superglue on that.
Plus they had some good reviews, too. People said they take care of that shit. And I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
That's all I got for right now. I'm sure as the day goes on, and my coffee intake increases, I'll find something else to get all surly about. Just to make sure, I'm going to brew another pot and go to Drudge Report. That guy always has something.
I also have some horrifically violent mysogistic movies to watch, too. That should be good for a laugh.
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