NatGeo be da bomb!

I'm totally going to watch the shit out of this National Geographic(or as the kids say, NatGeo) special on La Chupacabra. Which apparently translates to "The Goat Sucker".

It's going to be sweet. A ton of interviews with poor illiterate Mexicans that are worried about some creature running around in the jungle, sucking on all their goats.
Shows like this and 'Intervention' are the reason I have cable.

Goddamn drugs.

I just don't feel like baring my soul to you tonight.

Yep.

As most of you know, which you should since you're all basically my friends, I am a pretty huge video game freak, or as the media likes to dub us, "Gamers". I've never really had one of those moments, where you have to put down the controller and say, "Whoa. I'm playing a video game." and it comes as a surprise to you. Like you don't realize that you and the character on the screen are not the same person. I've played a lot of video games, and I do mean a lot, and I've never really been subject to that sort of loss of identity.
But Grand Theft Auto did it.
I was riding a bike across a bridge and I could swear that I could feel the breeze in my face. I was jamming tunes, I was feeling good. Sure, maybe it's the booze or the resin, but whatever. If a game can obliterate those sort of boundaries, the most important AT field, isn't that something to be in awe of???

GTA IV has done it. While I will be the first to admit that it's not my most favorite game in the world(that honor belongs to Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden alone), it comes pretty goddamn close.

I had a bunch of what I thought was super deep shit to say, but I was taking a piss and forgot most of it. Damn you, beer. Damn you, resin.

Play this game. Even if you don't like video games and you think that they are childish, give this one a shot. The narrative alone will slay you.

This is the reason it's still illegal

So apparently regular glass bongs are just played out, now. I guess that the simple thrill of getting high has become so blah that we're not seeking new ways to "up the thrill factor" that we've resorted to fucking smoking weed out of a dude's head.

I'm not fucking kidding. Read the link. It's all right there.

This is the shit that keeps them from legalizing pot. Right there. Every time the government gets together, and they're all, "That Woody Harrelson doesn't seem dangerous. He was Woody on 'Cheers', for fuck's sake!"

And then they'd all murmur to themselves approvingly, about how maybe weed isn't all that bad, and we're not all a bunch of red-ringed eye sporting psychopaths, and that we're not all doing cocaine and heroin within twenty minutes of a first joint, and they're this close saying it's okay, when some dude busts in the room with a newspaper from Texas. And goddamned if doesn't have something on the front page about a bunch of savages smoking weed out of a fucking corpse head they dug up and then decapitated, and that just ruins everything. Next thing you know, they're thinking of pot enthusiasts as being on the same level as, say Hitler or the gays.

Goddammit, it's always like this. We're getting close to it being decriminalized, which is a pretty good step in the right direction. Pot is no different than booze, for example. You have people that can't handle that shit, so when they drink it they get into car wrecks, beat up their wife/children/other family member/any random person available, and just generally make assholes out of themselves, and yet booze is still legal. Hmm. I don't know about you, but if I smoke pot, I'm not going anywhere unless I absolutely have to. Or if I'm playing Grand Theft Auto IV, and I don't actually have to move anything other than a thumb to travel.

I'm not saying all drugs should be legal, good lord no. Cocaine is a not good drug. Nothing positive ever comes out of that shit, except for maybe a really clean house. Meth, well, I guess if you're weight conscious, you're going to be feeling really happy in about a month. I know that I think teeth are seriously played out, too.

And why does it always have to be Texas? Seriously now, what the fuck?

Prepare for a pride-obliterating bitch slap.

If there's two things that I like, they're anime and deals. They go together like penis and vagina. Unless you're not into that shit. But whatever. Anyway, while shopping at Stop and Shop the other day, I came across three anime DVD's for $2.99. I figure, hey, what the hell? One of them was definitely Captain Herlock/Harlock, and the other two had giant robots flying around. How could it possibly be bad? Even when I get a dollar movie from Wal-Mart and it's shitty, at least I get a kick out of it.

Then I saw Protectors of Universe. Yeah, totally. To call this movie "written" is being really, really, really fucking polite. This movie makes absolutely no sense. It's like they took a bunch of shit from other anime, mashed it together, and then well....and then I guess everyone was super loaded the entire time, too.
I watched about 30mins of this, and here's what I figured out: a new star forms, sends out some signal, and then these mohawk sporting blue dudes that attack in submarines. They waste what I thought was Earth, but turns out to be Orion, I think. Orion or whatever freaks out and decides to put ALL THE CHILDREN ON A SPACE TRAIN. I'm not kidding. Eventually Earth releases their giant robot, Mazinger 7....who has a 7 on his belt buckle. He flies around and smashes the blue dudes ships, at one point punching into a cockpit and smashing a dude in the face- that is my favorite part of the whole fucking thing. Like it was personal for the robot.
Anyway, the space train docks into Mazinger 7's butthole. And he flies around with the train in his ass.
Seriously. Someone else made this up, not me. The only possible way I could come up with anything close to this is if drank for about three days straight. And if I did that, I would be too blasted to write.

Then, there's the voice over work. It's so fucking bad. Seriously, I'm sure they just took whomever they say walking down the street and recorded them with an old Fisher Price tape recorder. Hell, some of them didn't even sound like they could read all that well.

Anyone know of any PC DVD playback programs that'll let you take screen caps of whatever you're watching? You gotta see some of this shit.

Who the fuck are you kidding?

I like to think that I'm a pretty tolerant guy: you wanna fuck some dude in the ass or scissor fuck some broad, go for it. You want to let a German Shepard fuck you in the ass while your creepy friends video tape it/jerk off, go for it. You want to cut the head of your dick off in the name of "taking control of your body", hey man, do it up.
I suppose those are extreme examples, but I thought I would start with that first. I'm not averse to people coming to this country from some other one. Hell, this whole country was built on that premise: come here, give us what you've got and we'll make something kick ass out of it. That's what makes us so much more rad than other countries is this implied(I'll get to that in a second) openness of the country. The whole "Give us your weak, your huddled masses..." etc, etc. Seriously, I am so fucking down with that.
But you do it by the rules. Shit man, I'm fucking married to an immigrant. You don't just come in here illegally and then get pissed off when people get mad that you're here. That's like breaking into someone's house, firing up their PlayStation or XBox and then getting angry with them when they ask you to leave. That's fucking bullshit, man.
Read this. And try not to laugh your fucking ass off. You've got this one bitch talking about immigrant rights. Immigrants do have rights. Legal immigrants have rights. Illegal immigrants have rights, too. Unfortunately, one of them is not being allowed to stay in the country. Shit, you fuckers knew that from the get go. That's why you sneaked in!!!!!
And seriously, it's not racial profiling. Is it racial profiling when you look for a 30 year old white male with serious mommy issues that's been chopping up prostitutes in Vancouver? No! It's simple fucking profiling!

Goddammit, this shit is pissing me off. I really, really, really, really don't have a problem with people coming here from other countries, obviously. But I do have a problem with people coming here illegally and sucking up resources and tax dollars and then bitching about when they get shown the door. Fuck you, man.

Jesus, this shit really fucking irritates me.

But on the plus side, Grand Theft Auto IV is fucking awesome. Really. I want to talk more about it, but I have to eat, and I've really only been playing for about five or six hours. And with GTA, that's not nearly enough time to let you know just how B.A. the game is. Plus, I wanna get into the multi-player, too, before I let you know just how kick ass it is.
But you know you've got a great game on your hands when you hit a tree with your car and send your poor Serbian protagonist shooting out of the windshield like a javelin.