I was over at joystiq.com, which alongside kotaku.com, is one of two sites that I read on a regular basis to look at all the stuff I can't really afford, but would love to have. And I guess Microsoft got together with some other Hispanic-related survey polling company or whatever, and they determined that the Xbox 360 is the perfect gift for a Hispanic family. Which is funny, cos I would have figured that the Taco-Mania Playset or Juanny Print-Your-Own-Greencard would have been the one thing that Hispanic families would want. Turns out that living in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood does not make you more sensitive to their needs. Here's the survey! And here's me mocking it ruthlessly and with incredibly shallow racism!
Some of the key findings include:
-- More Hispanics want a gift that brings their family together (89% vs. 64% of general population)
My take: Yeah, I bet they want a gift that brings the family together. And nothing brings a family closer together than an Xbox 360. My, I remember how close my family came together when we got our Sega Genesis. I spent a shit ton of time using the box to ignore the fuck out of my parents, who in all honesty were never really that into playing boardgames with us once I got past age NEVER; the other time I was trying to figure out ways to scam my brother out of his turn.
-- More Hispanics are looking for gifts that people can enjoy throughout the year (95% vs. 85% of general population)
My take: Are they saying that Black people are looking for gifts that they can only enjoy when they are out in the exercise yard? That's what they mean by general population, right?
-- More Hispanics are looking for affordable ways to entertain their family over the holidays (85% vs. 81% of general population)
My take: Running into the living room and screaming ICE!! ICE!! is totally free.
-- Many more Hispanics would rather buy one gift for their whole family than spend money on lots of individual gifts (83 % vs. 52% of general population)
My take: Mexicans are fucking cheap. The statistics totally reinforce this shit.
I don't know if it's cos White people are dicks or if it's just me, but whenever my parents would get both me and my brother a gift, I felt slighted. Sure, it's cos he was five years younger than me and when you're 15 getting action figures as opposed to a stereo, you feel like maybe you did something wrong.
And seriously, the family that plays together is more likely to punch each other in the fucking face. About 50% of the fights me and my brother got in were somehow related to that fucking Sega Genesis. And I have a 360, so I can tell you for certain that it doesn't exude any sort of mood altering pheromone to make getting your ass handed to you in Madden any easier to take.
And I do like how they say, "HALF OF HISPANICS PLAN TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES THIS SEASON". Shit, 100% of the people I know plan on playing video games this season. Fuck, 75% of the people I know plan on playing video games in one hour. That's not really a good statistic. It's like saying that 95% of all Black people are going to listen to hip-hop tonight while they straight roll a blunt, yo. Is that really something you need to make a press-release for? No.
Also, "BEING ENTERTAINED AT HOME IS CRUCIAL FAMILY HAPPINESS". I don't know about that. I mean, yeah, I can sort of see how it makes sense. If the Menendez boys had more to do at the house, outside of firearm appreciation, then the parents would probably still be alive today. But I don't think that you need to be entertained at home for the family to be happy. I could drink anywhere, really, and still be happy. I just like to do it at home, cos when I take my pants off, the police don't show up.
In other news, does anyone know when Frank Miller became a fucking maniac? I mean, dude wrote 'Sin City', '300', did a fucking killer run on 'Daredevil' that pretty much defined the character, did 'The Dark Knight Returns' and 'Batman: Year One', and also penciled the 'Wolverine' solo that defined that character. So you'd think with those sorts of laurels, the dude would pretty much be the go-to guy for DC's 'All-Star Batman and Robin', right??
No. Absolutely not. The comic is fucking out of control. Either Frank Miller has suffered some sort of head injury, or he just stopped taking his meds somewhere around 1993 and we never noticed. I know, I know, if you're into this sort of thing you already know about this.
I'm talking about the goddamned Batman.
This is not a joke.I'm sure you're probably saying, "No shit. He dresses up like a bat to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. He hangs out with a little kid all the time. In a fucking cave!!!" No, I mean legitamately insane.
I told you.
Seriously. He's dropping out of the fucking sky laughing like a goddamned psycho. What the fuck happened, Frank Miller? Did you just realize that, "Oh, Batman is nothing more than a delayed adolescent fantasy gone wrong"?? We've all known this for years. He dresses up like a bat and shoots people with boomerangs and shit. To fight crime.
Wait...what?
Don't get me wrong- It's a great read. Because it's so fucking hilarious. Otherwise, it's fucking awful. It's just one more reason why I don't really read DC. Very few and far between do they have anyone that knows what they're doing with the characters. It's like they hire people and just let them do whatever. "Oh yeah, I know they've been acting this way for fucking ever, but you just do whatever you want with them. Ignore previous conventions as opposed to characterization. No one is going to read this shit in 15 years, anyway."
So stop giving him shit, already. Goddamn.
So I'm not working anymore, doing the Mr. Mom thing, only without all those kids and the creepy older chick trying to get into my pants. So you can bet there'll be more of this shit, cos I have plenty of time on my hands to goof around on the intertubes and read fucked up shit.
You're all doomed.
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