Someone needs to talk to these kids

Livebait /laɪv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [lahyv beyt]- The act of saying racist or homophobic things that do not necessarily reflect your view or beliefs to whip the teenage fuckheads that inhabit XBox Live into such a fury that they are incapable of forming a coherent insult, falling back on a series of 'faggot', 'homo' and other homosexually related insults, and/or stuttering. See also: Flamebait

So last night, I was playing 'Grand Theft Auto IV' on Live with Sean, and I'd almost forgotten about the fact that more retarded teenagers inhabit Live than actual normal human beings. Last time I was on Live, I was told that I'd played Halo 3, "...like a nigger"; I'm sure that had it been a game of Madden, that would have been a compliment. However, as black people are much less suited for futuristic guerrilla warfare than white people, this is not a compliment, and more of a put-down. I also heard the word "homo" bandied about quite a bit, which confused me. I thought that in the future, when confronted with an external enemy that wished for our destruction, we would put aside trivial matters such as ass fucking, scissoring, and even docking. Apparently not. Apparently even in the 26th century, if you are a dude and put a penis in your mouth, you are not a valued member of society or the military.
Anyway, getting to the point of this entry, we were jamming out on Live, Sean and I, and we were just riding around in cars, shooting and running down pedestrians for our own amusement. It was Free Mode, which encourages these things. At no point did we attempt to engage anyone else, and for the most part we were on our own private chat line, talking about shit we hated and cartoons, etc. At some point, we decided to get a bunch of people in a bus with a shitload of ammo and just drive around, totally fucking shit up. It seemed like a great plan, and there were a few people that were down with it.
But then we found the kids that weren't.

I know they were kids cos one of them was still looking at a good five years before his balls dropped, and the other thought that the worst insult one could level at another was "faggot". Adults know that there are far worse things you can say, things such as "Mexican" or "Republican". But hey, they'll figure it out, they're young. Either way, I forget what started it- oh wait, no I don't. In order to get the little fuckers pissed, Sean did what I'd like to call 'Live Baiting'. One of the boys was obvious a dark skinned fellow, so Sean dropped the 'nigger' card, and boy, did it hop off from there.
Using everything that he'd learned from whatever hip-hop musician is popular right now, he proceeded to let us know that we were obviously faggots, as only gay people use racial slurs. That hurts my feelings, I use shitloads of them, and to the best of my, my wife's, my child, and my penis' knowledge, I'm not gay. My balls have not returned any phonecalls, but they've been known to drink, so I'm sure they're still asleep. I'm okay with being called a faggot; I'm used to it, I went to public school and I wasn't a popular kid. I heard it a lot. And it was my brother's favorite insult as well. Well, second if you don't count homo as the same word.
But someone needs to tell these kids what and what does not constitute being a homo. Someone should sit them down and explain that if you refer to someone as a, "sweet faggot", that's not so much an insult on your part, but sort of a compliment...if you are gay. During the hey-day of the KKK, do you think that the Klan would sit around and figure out which sweet nigger's yard they wanted to go burn a cross in? Do you think the Nazi's would have arguements over which sweet kike they wanted to gas first? I'm guessing that they didn't, they probably used another word, something like "goddamn" or "fucking". You generally don't use sweet as an adjective if you are speaking derogatorily about something. Generally. Not that I'm some sort of linguist(except the cunning kind...GET IT?!?!?!?!?!), or anything like that, but it just seems like it makes sense. When someone asks you how you're doing, you don't say, "I'd be better, if I didn't have this sweet brain cancer". That's generally how things work, right?
Also- we should explain to the youth exactly what does and does not constitute homosexual behavior. One of the little whippersnappers had expressed a desire for me to come over to his house and suck his dick. I explained to the lad that this constituted the very homosexual behavior that he was chiding me for engaging in. He said that it didn't. If another man sucks your dick, that doesn't make you gay. And I'd sort of be inclined to agree with him, depending upon how good your imagination was. However, if you want another man to suck your dick, then that would make you and the man sucking your dick gay. I mean, think about it. If your desire is for someone of the same sex to pleasure you orally, then you are gay. If you are a woman and want another woman to insert both of her hands up to the elbows in your vagina, you're gay. If you're a man and you want another man to thrust a two-liter bottle sized dildo into your ass and perforate your colon, you're gay.

I don't want anyone here to think that I have anything against gay people. I don't. I just want the future of our country to know how to properly use someone's sexual orientation as an insult. I want these kids to do this shit right. If you're going to make fun of the person driving over your digital corpse for engaging in filthy, decadent, lubed up homo sex, make sure that you yourself do not put yourself in the position of appearing to enjoy the same behavior. That's just not how you insult someone. I'm not going to go to a sex club, stand up and point at the performers, and yell, "Oh my god, that's fucking disgusting!!! How can you put your penis in her vagina!! That shit is sick!!!" It lacks impact. You cannot be guilty of the same behavior that you are ridiculing. It damages your credibility. And when you're 15 years old, you really don't have much credibility in the first place.