Yesterday was Christmas for terrorists.

So yesterday was the 6 year anniversary of 9/11 and all the talk radio hosts made a big hullabaloo about it. Which was to be expected, after all. The most important things in this country right now are, in this order: illegal immigration, a bunch of other shit, and the War on Terror. It's pretty sad that they all realize how well the War on Terror is going(Skeletor is still running amok, Megatron has just struck Austin, and Doctors Doom, Octapus, and Death are feared to be planning another terror attack on little Timmy Johnson, age 5), so now we have to suddenly switch gears and decide that a bunch of Mexicans picking lettuce is the most important thing in this country right now.
Mike Gallagher, or however you spell his name, was talking about how Rudy Gulliani, or however you spell his name, didn't think that illegal immigration was a crime. He then went on to mock ol' Rudy, and asked him if he didn't think that getting rid of rapists, and drunk drivers was that big of an issue. Like we get rid of them and then all of the sudden, the streets will be safe for idiot drivers and loose women to just frolic around. Hah. Americans love three things: cars, beer, and rape. Seriously. If we could somehow find a way to drive a car drunk and simultaneously rape someone, we'd be all over it. Seriously though, America does love cars and beer, and often at the same time; why do you think there is such a drunk driving problem in this country?? Hell, I'm pretty sure that George Washington wrote the Constitution drunk, after taking a wagon home from "Ye Olde Waterin' Hole".
So we get rid of all these illegals, who are coming over here people, they are coming over here and stealing our jobs. I remember how when I was a young boy, I wanted nothing more than to pick lettuce or garbage on the highways. Imagine my horror and outrage when I found out that Juan was already doing it, and the son of a bitch was doing it for way cheaper than I ever would have. Son of a bitch!

They make it sound like some poor fucker goes to med school for years and years, only to get out and find that his dreams of Lexus' and golf afternoons have been rendered null and void by Dr. Sanchez from Mexico City, who is currently working for $17,000 a year. Imagine his pain.

So yeah, yesterday was the six year anniversary of 9/11and everyone was going on and on about Iraq, and bin Laden, and blah blah blah. I spent it much like I spent the first 9/11, which was asleep for a better part of the day. The talk radio hosts were asking callers, themselves, and I imagine metaphorically their listeners' whether we, as Americans, have learned anything from 9/11. A lot of them were talking shit about how they learned to love this country, and how they learned that we are not safe, and that they learned Paris Hilton is a ginormous whore. You know what I learned? Planes blow up really good. Buildings, not so much.
Also, I learned that terrorists are bad. I didn't know that before. I thought that terrorists were just these goofy guys that hung out in the Middle East and talked shit about the West in between games of Uno. They might have even had some touch football games going, who knows? Now I know that they fucking hate the shit out of me and everything I stand for, which honestly...isn't much. I mean, if they want to waste their time on a dude that thinks DC comics are pretty much shit, that's their business, and their time. I'm not over here in America saying, "Those terrorists would be okay if only they would stop kidnapping civilian contractors and decapitating them on the web. Other than that, I got no beef with them.". I'm also not critiquing their choice of gods, either. That's they business.

Okay, so first one down. Maybe the others will be funny. No promises, though.