Oh mc chris...

I'm not really going to talk about mc chris all that much in this post. If you know who he is, super great. If not, well, he was the voice of a character on Sealab 2021 that I named my dog after. Yep, super nerd here.
Anyway, the point is that he's got this song, 'White Kids Love Hip-Hop', see. And one of the verses is:
We drink box wine/And we listen to Weezer
I don't really listen to Weezer all that much. I mean, 'My Name Is Jonas' is pretty rad. And I really like most of 'Pinkerton', but other than that, not really digging on them. But I am digging on the box wine. I mean, c'mon. You're basically stealing this wine. Sure, you pay for it, but goddammit, it's a steal.
For example: cos I am classy, I drink it out of pint glasses. I had five pints of wine last night...or six, I don't know. Either way, enough wine. The best part??? There's still more. A lot more. And I really dig on the wine drunk. I think I'm going to be drinking box wine for awhile now.

And since I'm drunk, here's something that is not going to be funny to about 99.999999999% of the three of you that read this. My boy Collins hooked me up with this DVD, 'Forever Hardcore', which is basically a love song to ECW, the wrestling federation. For a wrestling fan, even a relapsed fan such as myself, it's really interesting. But there's a part in it that reduces me to a fit of laughter everytime.
BACKSTORY
There's this wrestler, New Jack, who did a bunch of dumb shit back in the day. Seriously. Dude would fucking go after people with cheese graters, for fucks' sake. Anyway, he was "fighting" this other dude, Vic Grimes, in a scaffold match, which more or less is the dumbest shit ever. If the tights weren't dumb enough, these two decided that the only way to go higher was to go way up in the air, and then eventually throw a motherfucker off. You can read all about it here.
So New Jack gets legitimately fucked up from this. Brain damage, blah blah blah. What does he do??? Sets up another scaffold match, but this time, even higher. And what's so funny about this is New Jack's recollection of the even. I will attempt to transcribe it as best I can.

New Jack: So we're forty feet up in the air, and I have this 350 volt taser. And I hit the motherfucker four, five times, eight in the neck. And he's all, "Jack, Jack, I can't feel my legs." And I said, "Don't worry Vic. I got you." And then I threw him off the scaffold.

What the fuck??? This cracks me up twofold: 1) He goes from four, to five, and then jumps to eight. That's a lot to take a taser to the neck. 2) Vic Grimes mentions that he cannot feel his legs. New Jack's response?? Do not worry, I have got you. And I am going to toss your ass 40 feet through the air. And then about two minutes later, New Jack basically says that he threw Vic Grimes harder than he should, with the explicit intent to kill him. Yeah. New Jack is hardcore. I'm willing to bet that if you had a gun and shot at him, the bullet would stop a foot away from him and say, "Uh uh, nigga. I ain't fuckin' wit' dat dawg right there. You on yo' own.".

Wrestling is so goddamn awesome. Or rather, it used to be....