File under: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Hey there gang. Anyone see 'John Rambo', AKA 'Rambo IV', AKA 'Rambo 4', AKA 'Whoa!'?? Yeah, I know, it came out in January, but I have this problem where I don't have all that much money, and Banana wouldn't go see that shit with me anyway.
Well I downloaded the motherfucker, and sweet Jesus on the fucking mountain top of blood and guts, this movie is sweet. Sure, it's not going to win any awards, unless they start giving them out for "Best Use of a Mounted .50 Machine Gun Blowing Burmese Military In Fucking Half"...but that's not the point. Rambo movies have always been about kicking ass and taking names, and this one does that in spades. I mean, I don't even know how this movie got an R rating. There's guts and innards and a dude blowing peoples heads off with a fucking .50 sniper rifle.
Which is great, cos right after the top half of his head is blown off, he goes flying back about 20 feet. No shit.

I guess I could justify these Rambo movies being all badass by saying that they're some sort of social critique of the times, i.e. 'First Blood' is what happens when you fuck with the vets when they come back from 'Nam, and it sort of addressed that hatred, blah blah blah. I'm not going to do that, cos I never really looked at them as that. I always saw them as an excuse to have one man beat the hell out of a whole bunch with arrows that exploded. And it was sort of giving the middle finger to Vietnam, you know, cos we lost that one at home. It was sort of a way for John Q. Public to feel all good about it. "Yeah, we fucking lost, but we won this time!!"
Whatever man, it's a movie. It's a movie where people get fucked up, blown all to shit, and I really like that. If you see any movie this year where a man gets his goddamn throat torn out, you owe to yourself to see 'John Rambo'.

Now I have to go. 'Assassins Creed' is here, and I needs to do some assassinating.