Hey, it could totally be true

So take this for what it's worth, but the National Enquirer is reporting that Patrick Swayze has some sort of haggard cancer and has about five weeks to live. Check it out. Of course, this is the National Enquirer we're talking about here, so who knows how valid this is. But a ton of other "reputable" news sources are running with this info. And by reputable, I mean Perez Hilton and Transworld News...whoever the fuck they are.

Seriously, if this is true....YES!!!! Take that, you son of a bitch!!! This is your punishment for fucking 'Ghost' and 'Dirty Dancing' and every other shitty movie you made. Hell, it might even be some round-about punishment for 'Point Break'. Don't get me wrong, I dig 'Red Dawn' and 'The Outsiders', but I swear to fucking Christ, 'Ghost' makes me want to blow my goddamn brains all over the wall. And if it wasn't for 'Dirty Dancing', we wouldn't have all those shitty cruise line commercials. You know, the ones where they're singing, "I haaaaaaaaaaaad....the time of my liiiiiiife!". We know you had the time of your life. You're on a goddamn cruise.
Jesus.

But here's something else that's fun. Can you imagine being on a plane with just four other people? I'd be throwing a Nerf football around or some shit. Or just changing my seat every couple of minutes. And fuck those stupid eco-nerds that are talking about shit like "carbon footprints" and "CO2 loads". What the fuck is that? Carbon footprint?? Are you serious??? You know that there are people just sitting around in a room somewhere, eating fucking tofu and humus and shit, thinking up new words to make us feel bad for driving. Or using a plastic bag. Or just...just doing whatever. If it was up to some of these dorks, we'd all be living in trees burning candles made of beeswax that was taken from abandoned hives so as not to disturb the bees.
It's called the foodchain, bitches. And we're at the top. I'm not advocating just being a total ass and dumping motor oil down the drain and shit like that, but do you think that wolves give a flying fuck about their environment? Do you really think that they're sitting there thinking, "Jesus, I hope we're not over-hunting this herd of deer. That would be a goddamn shame if we were." Of course they don't, because wolves don't pollute(apparently, they give a hoot), but you get what I'm saying. Being at the top means that you're more or less in a position to do whatever the hell you want. You earned it. You crawled your way up there and thumped your chest, then gave the finger to the animals below you.
However, and there is always a "however", we are in a unique position that other animals aren't in, due to our ability to reason, our self-awareness, blah blah blah. We realize that our actions do have an effect on the world around us, and that we have to be careful about how we do our thang. We can't just run willy-nilly over this world, not cos we'll wreck the planet(how incredibly arrogant of us to assume so), but because we only have so much. We really need to be sort of careful and not just go burning through fuel, especially now that fucking China and India have decided they want to join the 21st century and quit riding bicycles everywhere.

So here's my point, eco-fags. Stop talking about fucking carbon footprints and all that shit. Cos I am a dude, and I am stupid. Whenever you talk about a carbon footprint, all I can think about is a dick-waving contest and how I want the biggest carbon footprint in the world. Remember that movie 'Kung Fu Hustle'? Remember the Buddha Palm move? I want that shit to be my carbon footprint.