IFC is the shit

Check it out y'all, you can join up with some Christian dating site and date none other than fucking Powder himself!! How sick is that?! I thought he turned into lightening at the end of that move while Jeff Goldblum and Mary Steenburgen were running after him and shit. But, I guess that he came back from Metallica-Land to get him some prime Christian poon.
Can't say as I blame him. That chick looks like a freak. And plus, Powder probably shoots about 300 volts out of his "cattle prod" whenever he pops his cork, so she's gotta be into some freaky shit.

I've never watched the IFC channel in my life, cos I think of it in the same terms as I do other uppity bastards, and I don't really own a pipe or a smoking jacket. But after last night, that's changed, cos these sons of bitches don't edit their movies for shit. 'Boogie Nights' was on it all it's fake huge cock and tits glory. And it was sort of nice to see Heather Grahams rack again. And to watch her and Juliane Moore get all whacked on coke.
Speaking of Juliane Moore, did any of you ever see 'Alien Nation'? Don't the freckles on Juliane Moore's shoulders make her look like a Newcomer? I tried to find a picture for you guys that would adequately show it, but they were all gay press photos or scenes of "dramatic tension", and it doesn't work out that well. So you can go google "Alien Nation" and check it out for your damn selves. I don't have to do all the work around here.

Also: Patrick Swayze totally has pancreatic cancer, which if you don't know, is the same cancer that took the all-too-funny Bill Hicks way ahead of time. Apparently, pancreatic cancer is one of the ass kickers/name takers of cancer; something like 4% of those diagnosed with it live past five years. Ouch. And yes, I was joking when I was overjoyed about the whole diagnosis thing.
But I think there's something else we should talk about here. I think we should talk about when the fuck National Enquirer became a fucking credible news source. Last I knew, they were the guys that were talking about aliens meeting with Bill Clinton and discussing whether or not to enslave us and take all our water(guess the sci-fi reference!). Now they're making major scoops about starts that no one has cared about for four years or so.
Someone tell me: did I wake up in Bizarro world?

DON'T FUCK WITH SWORDS.